<<< Back Posted: April 2014

What was he THINKING?

“It’s despicable!  I sent Marco an invitation a week beforehand, but never heard a peep.  My proposed date and time came and went.  I don’t mind if he declines, but I never heard a thing either way.  What was he THINKING?

“I warned the management team that this would happen, and even told them how they could avoid it.  But they didn’t do a thing.  Why don’t they LISTEN?

“It’s only normal professional behavior to show up on time.  I bend over backward to do so, and expect the same from others. But Marianna showed up late again.  Why does she DO that?”

Whether or not we are coaching, we often hear these sorts of comments from others.  And perhaps we are prone to making such comments from time to time ourselves.  The speaker’s voice can be louder than usual, and certain words are emphasized.  Sighs of frustration are usually rampant. 

Actually, I think that the rhetorical question that the coachee poses in these situations is spot on.  The only problem is, they usually have no intention of seeking an answer.  When this happens, I frequently hand their well-crafted question right back to them, with an emphasis on a different word.  What WAS she thinking?  Why DIDN’T they listen?  Why DOES he do that?

Then I explain that if someone does something that doesn’t make sense to us, then we are probably missing some information.  So turn the question around and ask your coachee whether they could be missing some information. You’ll find that your coaching conversation may turn into an eye-opening exploratory discussion on the possible reasons for the person’s behavior, leading to new understanding of the person’s intent, and useful solutions. 

Several years ago I coached someone who would regularly complain about the ‘stupid’ behavior of others.  Each time she strongly resisted exploring the reasons behind these behaviors.  At one point, I gathered several examples and summarized them for her.  I then shared what I perceived was a pattern, that was leading to general frustration.  This was an eye-opening moment for her, and we were finally able to explore the reasons why people behave as they do.

“We judge ourselves by our intentions, and others by their behavior.” [Stephen M.R. Covey].

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There are a lot of ‘Leader as Coach’ programs out there, and we venture to guess that ±95% of them have no or negligent lasting impact.

I (Julie) was once asked to design a program ‘that works’ – that actually gets leaders to develop and sustainably and successfully apply solid coaching skills in the workplace – so I DID.

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Participant 1:

“There are so many things that I am doing differently (and better!) in conversing with colleagues and clients now! This course took me on a significant journey, reviewing and transforming how I interact with others. With a plethora of extremely effective tools now at hand, I am more curious, listen more deeply, am more patient, and I stimulate deeper and more innovative thinking in others. I am much more conscious and intentional now – and all this gives me enormous energy!”
Senior Global Partner
Big 4 Advisory Firm


Participant 2:

“I previously prided myself on always having an answer and advice when others approached me with their challenges. However, through the coaching program I have learned the value in guiding individuals in how to reach the answers themselves, leading to directions that are fully owned by the individual … and better suited to the situation… As a result, I am seeing my team members feeling empowered to … make their own decisions ... This gives me more time to lead the strategy …  Everyone wins with coaching!”
Senior Leader
Global Consumer Goods Company


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Currently in the process of rolling out our 5th wave, we see this program as a key enabler to build the desired culture, which allows us to position ourselves ahead on the competition in a highly dynamic market. The impact of this program on retention and engagement is high, and it continues resonating across a diverse and multigenerational workforce.”


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“I recommend this program for all leaders who really want to achieve their full leadership potential, and for your organization as a whole in order to be truly competitive in the marketplace.”


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